Is your thinking about public speaking all wrong ?
The young compere walked on to the stage and said in a sing-song voice, “After this discussion by sanguine panelists, we look forward to an alluring speaker…”. I have no idea what she meant by sanguine. I am not sure if she did either. And the next speaker would be alluring? Merriam-Webster defines allure as ‘to entice by charm or attraction’. It was a conference on entrepreneurship. Most of us were hoping that the next speaker would be interesting or informative. To top it all, there was the singsong voice that for some reason so many people in India adopt whenever they are on stage. Kind of like a seven year old reciting a poem in front of guests. For the hundredth time in many years, I thought, ‘Here is another very capable person who thinks all wrong about public speaking.’
Does the description remind you of yourself or of someone you know? Someone who is good at their job but cannot communicate effectively? You may be thinking all wrong about public speaking. I have a few reframes that will help.
But, what do I mean by public speaking? Anytime you need to speak to more than three people in a formal or semi formal setting and when you are supposed to do at least 50% of the talking, it is public speaking. You could be a scientist explaining your work to four of your teammates in a small conference room. Or you could be a consultant sharing your findings with a client team of ten people. Or you could be making a presentation to hundreds of people in a conference. In such settings do you really need to be a good communicator? Wouldn’t your work speak for itself?
Good work does speak for itself. But it speaks softly and the world is a noisy place. Unless you have achieved something unique like proving the Riemann hypothesis — a mathematics problem that has been around for more than a century — you will need to communicate your ideas effectively. Hence, you need to be good at public speaking. My reframes can help you become better.
Before we dive into these, you may be asking why you should listen to me? Who am I? I am an entrepreneur who successfully co-founded and exited a software product company. I am a trained engineer and business administration graduate. I am a founder of AskHow India which is a platform to improve the quality of public discussions. Our main job is to explain complex policy and social issues to lay public. I have been explaining complex topics for a long time. Perhaps, most importantly, I am a professional Improv comedian. I have performed in more than 500 shows and have trained hundreds of actors and corporate professionals. I understand how audiences perceive people on stage.
With that background, here is the first reframe.
Reframe 1: Be yourself
Be yourself. Possibly the most cliched statement of all times. But I am convinced that one big problem at the root of bad public speaking is that many people try to be someone else. Perhaps, you see others speak in a singsong voice and think that you should do it too. Maybe you see others speaking in an unemotional monotone and you believe that is how it is supposed to be in a formal setting. Or, it could be that your mental model of public speaking is based on famous political speeches or movie scenes.
Many of us implicitly believe that in front of a crowd we have to give as rousing a speech as Sharukh Khan’s character did in Chak De. Or similar to the “I have a dream” given by Martin Luther King or at least be as charismatic as Raj Thackery. However, since most of us have a very different personality from these gentlemen, we end up being stiff and very different from our real self. But what is this ‘real self’?
Try this exercise. Ask someone to record you while you are talking to a few close friends. Hopefully they record you without you noticing. This ‘most you’ recording of yourself is your ‘Candid Self’. The chances are that you will like your Candid Self*. At least you will find your recording less cringe worthy than you thought it would be. Most importantly, you will find that you are as relaxed as the two guys in the image below.
We intuitively know that the two people are very much at ease. You should aim to be as much at ease when speaking publicly. Of course, depending on the context there would be suitable modifications. For example, you could be more formal or more energetic.
There is a good chance that there is a gap between your Candid Self and what you aspire to be. Close this gap every chance you get.
Reframe 1.5: Bridge the gap between your Candid Self and Aspirational Self every chance you get
Public speaking is a skill learnt by doing. However, we get limited opportunities. Especially, early in our careers. You don’t need to wait for your limited opportunities to fix issues with your Candid Self. You can do it in your daily life. What could you not like about your Candid Self? Maybe you don’t like the way you look? Or that you don’t make eye contact. Or that you don’t listen.
This is potentially a long list and let me take just a few here.
What would you change about the way you look?
You cannot get me to smile in photographs. That is because I believe that my teeth are crooked. I hunch my shoulders when stressed. It is possible that you have your own list of issues. You may think you are too fat. Or that you look old. Or that you speak too fast. Fix what you can. I consciously bring my shoulders down any time I feel stressed. I don’t worry about my teeth when on stage because I know most people don’t care.
Remember that your audience has its own issues. They think they are too fat. Or that they look old. Or that their hair is looking very bad today. Remember, these issues are far more important to them than your ‘petty’ concerns.
Stop worrying about yourself and be present.
What is the color of their eyes?
If you have trouble making eye contact in casual conversation, you will find it tough to do it with 50 strangers staring at you. Google “Why is it hard to make eye contact?” and a million results will pop-up. Anxiety, autism and alexithymia are some of the reasons that I read and I had not even gone past the letter A!
The good news is that you don’t need to dive deep into reasons. Practice to get better instead. Make eye contact with friends while talking. Make eye contact with strangers. Walk into shops and engage the salesperson in conversation while looking at their eyes. Walk into high end luxury goods shops and engage the most attractive salesperson in a conversation while looking at their eyes. (and then walk out of the place without buying anything, like a boss).
Making eye contact is the first step to being present. There are others too.
Can you say that again?
Listening is my shorthand for being present in a conversation. This cliche is true for small group conversations and it is true for large group presentations. People are so much ‘in their head’ about what they want to say that they don’t notice what is happening with their interlocutors. If you are noticing them, you will see it when they fidget, when their eyes glaze over. In short, you will notice when your message is not landing and you need to do something different.
Why would your message not be landing? It is probably because you have not structured it well. This reframe will help.
Reframe 2: Your speech is actually a conversation
If you are a young capable professional, you should beware of two challenges. The first is that you have a lot to tell and you will be tempted to tell it all. The second issue is that you would be in love with how you arrived at your conclusions and would want to walk your listener through each painful step before ‘revealing’ your conclusions.
One way to overcome these challenges is to think of your public speaking engagement as a conversation and not a speech. This will force you to:
- Think about your listeners while structuring your talk. You would ask yourself questions such as what do they know? What are they interested in knowing? Why would they care?
- What is your message? Can you say that in a maximum of three sentences? In one short sentence?
- Ask the audience questions that you don’t know answers to. You could begin your talk with a question that tells you something about the audience.
- Ask your audience questions that get them on the same emotional page as you. If I was giving a speech about public speaking, I might begin with, “Raise your hand if you have ever been bored in a conference or a classroom.”
- Notice people in the audience while delivering your speech. You would make eye contact. You will see when some of your audience members are struggling with what you are saying and at a minimum you will slow down. Over time you will start sensing the mood of an audience and be able to make significant changes to what you want to say on the fly.
- Structure your talk as a conversation even if you are doing most of the speaking. The best authors do that in their books. For example, while reading sections of Richard Dawkins’ ‘The Selfish gene’, questions would pop into my mind. Invariably, the next paragraph would answer it. Good authors can take you by the hand and lead you through a complex topic. Good speakers can too.
Structuring your content is a skill and it can be learnt by practice. Regular writing is a great way of doing it. If you cannot commit to writing regularly, try the following exercise. For the next 30 days, make anywhere between 2 and 5 minute videos on any topic you want. The topic could be ‘Why Virat Kohli needs to be dropped from the Indian test team’ or ‘Yami Gautam has done a great job in Dhoom Dham’ or ‘it is best to have children early’. Anything. It can even be the same topic for thirty days. See the video immediately after you make it and then delete it.
This thirty day exercise will make you immeasurably better. You will get into the habit of asking yourself the questions mentioned above. You would begin making the content personal. You would begin with something that grabs the listener’s interest.
What happens if your next public speaking engagement is before you have ironed out all the ‘defects’ in your candid self and have not mastered structuring? Naturally, you would be nervous. Especially so, if this event is important for our career or prestige. Let me give you two reframes that may help.
Reframe 3: The big day is not really the biggest day
This is just another opportunity to get better. Also remember that in India, the bar for good presentations is very low. If you are using slides that don’t have a lot of dense text and you are not just reading off them, you are already in the top 50%. Also remember, your audience has its own problems.
With that in mind, I have some tips that will help you overcome a little bit of your nervousness
- Take a few deep breaths.
- If you are talking to a large audience, look at the audience before you go in front of them. I mean really look at them. Look at as many individuals as you can. Look at their face, their eyes, what they are wearing.
- Before going in front of the audience, do some power poses. A confident body posture will make you feel more confident.
- Recall your past successes in public speaking. You could also recall your past successes in anything you have done.
These should help you become slightly less nervous.
Bonus reframe: It is not about you. It is about your audience getting the message.
That is, you don’t have to be a brilliant orator. All you need to do is to make sure that your message gets through.
The reframes again
Public Speaking is learnt by doing. Practice every chance you get. There is no substitute for practice. These reframes will help you get the best out of your practice.
Reframe 1: Be yourself. Work on yourself.
Reframe 2: Structure your talk as a conversation.
Reframe 3: This is not your last presentation.
Bonus reframe: It is not about you. It is about your audience getting the message.
*You would sound different to yourself in a recording. This is because of the difference between bone conduction and air conduction. Note that different is not bad.
Edit: Yami Gautam’s name corrected. Thanks Sonesh.
This article is part of the series — Go beyond Puzzle solving
“How to spot a bad expert” in this series has received a lot of attention.
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